I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
