so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
