I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
honey bunches of taint.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
