You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
