I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize