is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
