I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
