My room smells like vodka and shame
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
