yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
