i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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