I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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