I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Alive.
So much puke
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
