Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Apparently you make a good broom.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize