everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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