You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my poor anus
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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