"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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