When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
