Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
