there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
