please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
