Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
