So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
