butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just blew my weed a kiss
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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