I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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