Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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