i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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