trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
