your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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