My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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