Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
