the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
