I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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