Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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