Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize