yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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