Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
