The best revenge is premature balding
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
