i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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