Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
