On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
