Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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