I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
