Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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