I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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