went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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