So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and she was petting her beer can
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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