That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
