A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
