I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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