Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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