I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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