While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
