A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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