Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just threw up on my dentist
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
