Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
