I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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