i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
