dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Someone signed my nipple.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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