Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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