she smelled like a LAN party
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
