I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
