i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
