i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
