tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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