if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize